EMOTIONS IN THE WORKPLACE

With stress levels @ an all time high globally, people are becoming mor aware of how unmanaged emotions compromise the quality of their daily living, mental clarity, commitment, productivity, resilience & fulfilment.

Every workplace is an emotional place!                                  

Your emotions affect your teamwork, leadership, decision-making, problem-solving, sales & customer service skills and there are numerous scientific research reports to this effect.

You're either motivated/demotivated at work by ur emotions.

Emotions are unreasonable & thus need your awareness & mastery.

Those little emotions like fear or courage, anger or calmness, worry or confidence, sadness or joy, hatred or love; are the great captains of our business or career life & we obey them without realizing it especially when they're unmastered.

Many at times they make us look stupid, stress us for no reason or frustrate us at work.

You can't grow further or go farther in your career or business relationships than your emotions can take you.

"Every time a grievance is brought up, lost productivity by d employee and those around him/her is about 80 work hours."
- Wilson, B (1991)- U.S Personnel Journal- July 1991, 47-50.

Pennebaker J, a U.S behavioural Psychologist in his book, Opening up, also said; "Experiments wit humans show dat uncontrolld emotional stress leads 2 a shift in thoughts process 2 a superficial, simplistic, unoriginal style of thinkin."

The battle between the world Champion (then), George Foreman and Mohammed Ali was worn by the latter essentially because he gained control over the former's emotions by saying infuriating words to his ears while the fight was on.

Tiger Woods was once asked at an MSNBC interview (June 17, 2001) who he thinks will win a tournament and he replied, "... I think d guys who r really controllin their emotions... are going 2 win; d guy who's controllin his emotions is goin 2 win!"

Anyone or anythin that gains control over your emotions has your life's remote control- to make or break you.

Your career or business goal this week will most likely be won @ d level of emotions.

So, know dat every workplace is an emotional place and people, situations and things tamper wit others emotions knowingly or unknowingly.

With the right emotions, the whole world becomes your local government (your sphere of influence is unlimited) but with the wrong emotions, your local government becomes your world (your sphere of influence is limited 2 your locality).

WHY YOU FAIL AT STOPPING YOUR WORRY

We all have mixed feelings from our worries during trying times and this can be really bothering such that we can't sleep and can't get the pessimistic thoughts out of our head.

Worrying can be helpful in getting some solutions but the challenge is with stopping it when we need to.

Psychologists submit that chronic worriers are people who share the belief that they need to know with 100% certainty what's going to happen or can't stand unpredictability.

They see worry as a way to predict what's going to happen or control it. All these happen subconsciously most times.

Also, we often worry because of the belief that it makes sense to us. For example, we think maybe we'll find a solution or we don't want to overlook anything or If we keep thinking a little longer, maybe we'll figure it out or we don't want to be surprised or we want to be prepared for the worst or we want to be responsible, etc. The list of the assumptions or beliefs goes on and on.

Some have a hard time giving up on their worries because, in a sense, they seem to have been working for them (yet again another assumption) even though they know it’s harmful to their health.

Beliefs or assumptions add to worry and it’s tough to break a worry habit if the beliefs fueling the thoughts still linger.

In order to stop worry for good, you must give up the belief or assumption fueling the worry and realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution and worrying rarely births the solution.

A worried mind can’t deliver the solution but you can regain the control over your worried mind.

Telling yourself to stop worrying doesn’t work—at least not for long.

Also, you can distract yourself or suppress anxious thoughts for a moment, but you can’t quench the fire for good as long as the fuel (the belief or assumption behind it) is being poured on it.

In fact, trying to do so often makes them stronger and more persistent. This is because it forces you to pay extra attention to the very thought you want to avoid. You always have to be watching for it, and this very emphasis makes it seem even more important.

Constant worrying takes a heavy toll. It keeps us up at night and makes us tense and edgy during the day. We hate feeling like a nervous wreck and yet find it so difficult to stop worrying.

So, don’t try to ignore, fight, or control them like you usually would. Instead, simply observe and question them as if from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging.

 

What's d possibility of being certain about everything in life?

Is uncertainty always equal to a negative outcome especially from your past experience?

Is it possible 2 live with the negative outcome if at all it happens & r there people who have overcome similar issues?

What’s the evidence that your worrying thought is true or that it’s not true?

Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?

How will worrying about my challenge help me and how will it hurt me?

What would I say to a friend who had this same worry?

As u question yourself, pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your ever-changing emotions, and the thoughts that drift across your mind as answers. If you find yourself getting stuck on a particular thought as you question it, allow it to pass and bring your attention back to the present moment.

Also, find the right company that will help you stay positive because how you feel is affected by the company you keep, whether you’re aware of it or not. Studies show that emotions are contagious. 

Know who to talk to about your worrying situations that make you panic. Some people will help you gain perspective, while others will feed your worries, doubts, and fears.

Above all, keep faith. Worries don’t always turn real. In fact psychologists say over 70% of worries don’t eventually happen.

If you hold on and don’t allow your worries to overwhelm you, you’ll surely come out of that phase victorious even if the outcome is negative and you’ll look back and laugh at the situation.

                                                      

WHY YOU FAIL AT STOPPING YOUR WORRY

We all have mixed feelings from our worries during trying times and this can be really bothering such that we can't sleep and can't get the pessimistic thoughts out of our head.

Worrying can be helpful in getting some solutions but the challenge is with stopping it when we need to.

Psychologists submit that chronic worriers are people who share the belief that they need to know with 100% certainty what's going to happen or can't stand unpredictability.

They see worry as a way to predict what's going to happen or control it. All these happen subconsciously most times.

Also, we often worry because of the belief that it makes sense to us. For example, we think maybe we'll find a solution or we don't want to overlook anything or If we keep thinking a little longer, maybe we'll figure it out or we don't want to be surprised or we want to be prepared for the worst or we want to be responsible, etc. The list of the assumptions or beliefs goes on and on.

Some have a hard time giving up on their worries because, in a sense, they seem to have been working for them (yet again another assumption) even though they know it’s harmful to their health.

Beliefs or assumptions add to worry and it’s tough to break a worry habit if the beliefs fueling the thoughts still linger.

In order to stop worry for good, you must give up the belief or assumption fueling the worry and realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution and worrying rarely births the solution.

A worried mind can’t deliver the solution but you can regain the control over your worried mind.

Telling yourself to stop worrying doesn’t work—at least not for long.

Also, you can distract yourself or suppress anxious thoughts for a moment, but you can’t quench the fire for good as long as the fuel (the belief or assumption behind it) is being poured on it.

In fact, trying to do so often makes them stronger and more persistent. This is because it forces you to pay extra attention to the very thought you want to avoid. You always have to be watching for it, and this very emphasis makes it seem even more important.

Constant worrying takes a heavy toll. It keeps us up at night and makes us tense and edgy during the day. We hate feeling like a nervous wreck and yet find it so difficult to stop worrying.

So, don’t try to ignore, fight, or control them like you usually would. Instead, simply observe and question them as if from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging.

What's d possibility of being certain about everything in life?

Is uncertainty always equal to a negative outcome especially from your past experience?

Is it possible 2 live with the negative outcome if at all it happens & r there people who have overcome similar issues?

What’s the evidence that your worrying thought is true or that it’s not true?

Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?

How will worrying about my challenge help me and how will it hurt me?

What would I say to a friend who had this same worry?

As u question yourself, pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your ever-changing emotions, and the thoughts that drift across your mind as answers. If you find yourself getting stuck on a particular thought as you question it, allow it to pass and bring your attention back to the present moment.

Also, find the right company that will help you stay positive because how you feel is affected by the company you keep, whether you’re aware of it or not. Studies show that emotions are contagious. 

Know who to talk to about your worrying situations that make you panic. Some people will help you gain perspective, while others will feed your worries, doubts, and fears.

Above all, keep faith. Worries don’t always turn real. In fact psychologists say over 70% of worries don’t eventually happen.

If you hold on and don’t allow your worries to overwhelm you, you’ll surely come out of that phase victorious even if the outcome is negative and you’ll look back and laugh at the situation.

                                                      

WHY YOU FAIL AT STOPPING YOUR FEAR

Are you fearful of the outcome of an illness, or that your spouse will divorce you, or that you will lose your job, or of that bill to pay, or of a deadline, or even of a height, animal or death?

When we fear, we are simply allowing our minds imagine a bad future. That is what fear is! 
In reality, fear is a use, or better said, misuse, of one’s imagination. Fear is simply an action of the mind and whatever has the control over your mind has the ultimate control over your life and health (as you’ve learnt a few days back).

Do you desire to be free from your fears? Do you really want to stop your fears?

Well, there are two things you can do.

The first is to learn to face your fear of a bad future by questioning it and start imagining a good future.

What’s the evidence that your fearful thought is true or that it’s not true?

Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at the situation?

What’s the probability that what you’re scared of will actually happen?

If the probability is low, what are some more likely outcomes?

And if the probability is high, will being fearful help you sort it out or will it hurt you more than even the situation?

Is there a chance that your life will move on even when what you fear happens and have you ever experienced a similar situation in the past and survived?

The second would be to stop thinking about the future and just take one day at a time.

The principle remains true in that we have to discipline our minds and choose not to think about a bad future. We can choose our thoughts. It just takes mastery.

Much of what people fear are the realities of life. Some may think this is cold, but people die, people lose jobs, people choose to do crazy things in relationships, etc and life still goes on thereafter. There is nothing one can really do about this reality. For example, I know some fearful parents who won't let their children fly because they are afraid the plane could crash and whenever they had no choice other than to allow them fly, they get really stressed out and their blood pressure is worse for it.

Some people are afraid they will go bankrupt or broke or get kidnapped if they go some places or allow their children play in the neighbourhood and worry endlessly about it. What should they do? Could someone get kidnapped? Yes. Could you go bankrupt? Yes. These things happen and If they happen, you experience the pain and emotions then - there is no sense forcing yourself to experience it before it happens.

There are things you can control and things you can't. Much of what we fear is out of our hands and we can't control it. So, we must know and accept what we can control.

You can't control if your spouse leaves you but you can control how you treat your spouse.

You can't control a downturn in the economy but you can control whether you save for a rainy day or not.

You can't control whether or not you will get a fatal disease but you can control your risk exposure by eating right, controlling stress and exercising.

You can't control how your kids will turn out but you can control how you raise them, what kind of example you set, and what you teach them.

You can't control how others will treat you but you can control how you will treat others.

Control what you can control, let go of the rest and let God.

Here is where your spiritual well-being comes in. There is an old theological term called "sovereignty," that basically means, "God is in control of the universe." I believe that and I think one of the overriding principles of life that we can embrace that will help us overcome fear is that we can relinquish control and trust that someone greater than us is fully aware of what is happening on this earth and in our lives.

This sovereign God knows what he’s doing, he’s thinking about you and he’s also planning a good future for you which is your desire. I leave a lot of my fears on this belief.

Getting over fear is an issue of the mind and, believe me, the battle over fear can be won and must be won if you must win over that challenging situation you fear!

TEN COMMON LIES YOU'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED ABOOUT MILK!

Hi. Today is the world milk day and as usual, I know you expect something on it from me today. Expectedly, I took time to dig for the facts about the following common lies about milk. This is because of the importance of milk to our diets as growing up/grown up people and I really desire you no longer deny yourself the vital benefits of milk. I therefore went all out for lie bursters and trust me, those lies will be bursted today.

Lie #1: Consuming dairy products can lead to weight gain. Fact: Weight gain occurs when one consumes more calories than the body can burn as energy. Contrary to this common myth, research both in animals and humans suggest that including three servings of low fat dairy foods in a calorie controlled diet may help achieve greater weight loss (Zemel, 2005). Clinical trials have also shown a strong correlation between increased calcium intake and reduced body weight, body fat percentage and waist size (Zemel, 2005). Lie #2: Spinach is as good a source of calcium as milk. Fact: There is more calcium in 1 cup of milk than there is in 16 cups of spinach. One will need to eat more than 48 cups of spinach to get the recommended daily intake of calcium (USDA, 2010). Furthermore, milk contains Vitamin D which enhances calcium absorption (Wasserman, 2004). Lie #3: People with lactose intolerance should avoid dairy foods. Fact: Lactose intolerance is often confused with milk allergies. Lactose intolerance is not an allergic reaction to dairy foods. Rather it is the inability to digest the milk sugar lactose. Lactose-free milk and yogurt are good alternatives to drinking milk for people that are lactose intolerant. Aged cheeses such as Cheddar and Swiss are also low in lactose. Many people with lactose intolerance can drink up to 1 cup of milk daily without problems (Miller et al., 2000). Lie #4: Milk causes asthma. Fact: While infants with milk allergies are more likely to develop asthma later in life, there are no scientific data that support that consuming dairy foods makes a person asthmatic. Lie #5: Consuming dairy foods can increase the risk of heart disease. Fact: A diet high in saturated fat regardless of the source will likely cause heart disease and not dairy foods. Recently, it was reported that the evidence linking saturated fat intake to heart disease is lacking (Siri-Tarino et al., 2010). Furthermore, today's saturated fat from butter is believed to be not as bad as trans fat filled hydrogenated vegetable fats such as margarine and other so-called ‘healthy’ spreads. Those still wishing to reduce their fat intake can consume low fat dairy foods and receive the nutritional benefits of dairy foods without the high fat (Berner, 1992; Miller, 2000). Lie #6: If you take calcium supplements you don’t need milk. Fact: Milk isn’t only a good source of calcium but it also provides other high quality nutrients such as high quality protein, vitamins A, D, B12, riboflavin; zinc; potassium and magnesium. Fermented dairy foods such as yogurt also serve as an excellent carrier of probiotic organisms and pediatrics, which are important for gastrointestinal health. Taking supplements does not provide the enjoyment of drinking a cold glass of milk; pouring cold milk on a bowl of cereal for breakfast; eating a creamy delicious bowl of ice cream on a hot summer day; or enjoying the pleasure of a creamy cheese sauce on nachos, or melted cheese slices on a hamburger. Lie #7: Milk causes mucus. Fact: After drinking whole milk, yoghurt or eating ice cream some people mistake the thin coat or residue in their mouth and throat for mucus. This is the normal creamy texture of milk fat which melts near body temperature and not excess mucus. A study conducted by Pinnock and co-workers (1990) reported that there is no association between milk and dairy products intake and mucus production in healthy as well as rhinovirus infected individuals (common cold). Lie #8: Humans are not designed to drink cow’s milk. Fact: Humans are designed to eat plant as well as animal products such as meat and dairy products. Domestication of cattle (and consumption of milk and dairy foods) date back to 6000 BC. We are equipped with the lactose enzyme in our gut that aids in the digestion of cow’s milk. Consequently humans have enjoyed consuming dairy foods over many, many centuries. If we were restricted to consuming milk only from our own species, we would not enjoy many of the dairy foods we enjoy today; such as blue cheese on our salads, ice cream on apple pie, sour cream on baked potatoes, Mozzarella cheese on pizza, shredded cheese on our tacos, and buttermilk in our pancakes. Lie #9: Drinking milk can cause kidney stones. Fact: Milk may actually protect against the formation of kidney stones (NHS, 1990). It was suggested that the calcium in milk may bind to oxalates in food (a precursor of kidney stones) so that they can no longer be absorbed by the body, reducing the risk of kidney stones. Lie #10: Eating cheese and high fat dairy foods can cause acne. Fact: Science does not support any link between acne and dairy foods. Importance of vitamins A and D in skin health is well established. Milk is a good source of vitamins A and D in the diet (Miller et al., 2000). So, get out there today and celebrate the world milk day by grabbing a can or bottle of chilled milk, yoghurt, etc and down it through your throat. If your style is sucking (winks), please feel free- milk is milk! (Giggles) Cheers!                       (Reference: Dairy Herd News - 10 Myths About Dairy Foods Dispelled )

How your work stress controls your weight

                                               

"Hey TWD. Despite the amount of energy I expend at work, I'm still putting on weight at an alarming rate. What's up with that?" When I however questioned her further, I found the puzzle in my banker friend's weight issue.

Her most striking confession was, "I get home emotionally drained every workday because of my job nature such that I relapse into a moody state and before I know it, I reach out to the fridge in search of anything edible even when not hungry."

Today’s living challenges have turned being in charge of weight control into a herculean task for most. We live in a society that demands we do more, be more, and achieve more. Stress moves us forward and helps cope with life's demands, but it also affects our mood and emotions.

From time pressure that influences when and how you eat, to advanced tech that switched what you eat most times from natural to artificial; to eating anyhow and anywhere to pacify emotional strain, the world is experiencing more weight-related issues than ever before.

When you start to gain or lose weight and there is no medical issue, the amount of stress that gets to you may be the culprit, which you often respond to by over-or under-eating.  

Many stressed people who tend to overeat do so by craving for ‘sugar’ and thus turning to food for comfort to reduce anxiety, to stuff anger, or to push beyond their exhaustion and re-energise themselves. They tend to prefer high-carbohydrate foods because these foods trigger an increase in the brain chemical serotonin, which has a calming effect. It is almost like self-medicating,

Over time, eating becomes a way to manage uncomfortable feelings from either the past or the present. Food becomes an area where that tension plays out and can cause quite a bit of emotional distress.

Until there is an understanding, release, and resolution to what you are feeling, the choice to manage emotions through overeating will happen again.

And mind you, burning energy through stressful activities does not equate burning energy for weight loss or fitness. In fact, stress response triggers a biochemical process where our bodies go into survival mode, Our bodies store fuel, slow down metabolism, and dump out chemicals [cortisol, leptin, and other hormones] which are more likely to cause weight gain especially around the waistline.

As a health therapist, medical doctor and psychologist, I know that most people do not want to turn to unhealthy eating behaviours to cope and are sometimes not even aware that the urge to over-eat is connected to either a state of worry or other emotional issues.

In fact, those who struggle with compulsive or binge eating often describe it as an overwhelming need. They feel compelled to engage in these behaviours and are not really conscious about why they are eating when they are not hungry. Afterward, when they feel lousy from the unhealthy food choices or have gained weight, they inevitably feel ashamed and helpless about their inability to remain in control.

The same holds true for those who under-eat who when continually stressed, their appetites can actually get suppressed.

Also, when your work stress chronically deprives you of good sleep, your body functions become less than optimal because they only function best when well rested. Hence, your body begins to experience physiological stress and, biochemically, you store fat more efficiently.

Any stress on your emotion which you fail to tame could be the puzzle in your quest for an ideal weight. Let it off!

KNOW YOUR SELF, KNOW YOUR STRESS!

A famous philosopher once said, “It’s a great loss to know almost everybody that matters while alive only to find out that you never knew yourself when you’re gone.”

Who you are (in terms of your strengths and weaknesses) influences how you think, decide, behave and act in stressful times.

You can precisely know your strengths and weaknesses by knowing your personality type and the influence of your culture, religion, education and learning (formal or informal) and senses on it.

Your personality type drives a lot about you.

For simplicity sake, I’ll be limiting this to the choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic personality typing. For your personality profiling/typing, refer to the various online assessment tools for help.

The CHOLERIC are the bold, determined, practical, intelligent, visionary, quick-decision takers, now-conscious with time (work more with present facts or evidence), proactive, optimistic and generally motivated by challenge and results.

They however often have struggles with insensitivity, domineering, impatience, arguments, carelessness, overwork, self-will, hot-temperedness and being sarcastic.

The blend of their strengths and struggles puts them at a risk of hyper-stress.

The SANGUINE are the optimistic, friendly, articulate and talkative, compassionate, entertaining, outgoing, persuasive, enthusiastic, future-conscious with time (work more with possible results), collaborate well in a team and are mainly motivated by recognition and approval. They however mostly have struggles with restlessness, unstable emotions, being flighty (constantly changing plans), lustful or boastful, prejudging (easily jumps to conclusion), rudeness, disorderliness, being weak-willed and talkative.

They rarely step out of eustress.

The PHLEGMATIC are relaxed, friendly, peace-loving, diplomatic and team players, good listeners, dependable and loyal, humorous, value relationships, value clean environment and now-conscious in time (work more with present evidence).

However, they struggle with introverted nature (can be shy), indecision, indifference, over-tolerance and over-submissiveness, un-enterprising and unmotivated spirit and deadlines due to slow nature.

They could easily step into hypo-stress.

The MELANCHOLIC are perfectionists, intellectual, inquisitive, analytical, creative, self-disciplined, industrious, sensitive, consistent, facts-based decision-takers, good listener with respect to task or systems details and accommodating in dispute, no-nonsense, motivated by being right and past-conscious in time (use past occurrence or statistics to slowly work out the present).

They however struggle with self-centeredness, volatile moods, pessimism, faults-finding, being touchy and revengeful and over-carefulness.

They could easily step out of eustress into hyper-stress.

NB:

Any strength could turn to a weakness and vice versa based on the prevailing conditions.

You could blend more than one of the personality types either by design or by default and you can be whoever you want to be regardless of your personality type if you work towards it.

All the personality types could step into the much dreaded distress or burn-out if a healthy stress level is not kept.

To be continued tomorrow.